There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
