I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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