I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We're too hungover to prance.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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