The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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