The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
