woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
