i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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