My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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