yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
