i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
