Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
