I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize