How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
