i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
