so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
