Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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