So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize