well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
