I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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