I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
