She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
