If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
