You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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