Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
