I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
