so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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