So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
