We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
