U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
