i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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