I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
