whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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