Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
