I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
