He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
