i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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