He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize