I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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