Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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