So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
