I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
