Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
