How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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