ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
