im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
