You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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