toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
