I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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