More tranny stories later!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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