Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
