its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
