I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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