Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
