They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize