ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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