Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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