I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
