I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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