I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
