come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
