Christians are straight up FREAKS
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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