Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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