I got chris browned last night
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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