You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize