I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
