I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
