If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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