in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize