the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
