It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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