Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
