Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
