the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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