Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
