Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
