WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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