She said her name was "party"
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
