He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize