i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Text me some of your sweat
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