I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
