Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
its liver damage thursday
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