I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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