God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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