I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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