Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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